Teaching Anecdotes

I always get these forwards and some are humorous (maybe only to teachers) and some are inspirational. I thought I would share a few because it's halfway through the year, Christmas in over, and I am FINALLY feeling like a competent teacher again as I have adjusted to this new land.


21st CENTURY TEACHER APPLICANT


Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with
all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for learning.
Not only that, I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity,
behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and
T-shirt messages.

I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check
their backpacks for guns and raise their self-esteem. I'm to teach them
patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, how and where to
register to vote, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job. I
am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe environment,
recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior, offer advice, write
letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage
respect for the cultural diversity of others, and, oh yeah, always make sure
that I give the girls in my class 50 percent of my attention.

I'm required by my contract to be working on my own time summer and evenings
at my own expense toward advance certification and a master's degree; and
after school, I am to attend committee and faculty meetings and participate
in staff development training to maintain my employment status. I am to be
a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very presence will awe my
students into being obedient and respectful of authority. I am to pledge
allegiance to supporting family values, a return to the basics, and to my
current administration. I am to incorporate technology into the learning,
and monitor all Web sites while providing a personal relationship with each
student. I am to decide who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to
commit crimes in school or who is possibly being abused, and I can be sent
to jail for not mentioning these suspicions.

I am to make sure all students pass the state and federally mandated testing
and all classes, whether or not they attend school on a regular basis or
complete any of the work assigned. Plus, I am expected to make sure that all
of the students with handicaps are guaranteed a free and equal education,
regardless of their mental or physical handicap. I am to communicate
frequently with each student's parent by letter, phone, newsletter and grade
card.

I'm to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few books, a
bulletin board, a 45 minute more-or-less plan time and a big smile, all on a
starting salary that qualifies my family for food stamps in many states. Is
that all? And you want me to do all of this and expect me . . . . .
NOT TO PRAY?!

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He
argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best
option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers:

"Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher,
Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You
want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began...)
"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I
make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents
can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie
rental... You want to know what t I make?" (She paused again and looked
at each and every person at the table.)

I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write.
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in math.
I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to
know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.
I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.
I make my students stand to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag,
because we live in the United States of America. [Mine stand each morning for the Thai National Anthem:)]
Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were
given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.

(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)
"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, I can hold my head
up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant... You want to
know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make?"

YOU ARE A TEACHER IF...

you have been timed gulping down a full lunch in 2 minutes,18 seconds.

you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a
theater with a group of friends.

you know the shortest distance and the length of travel time
from your classroom to the office.

you say “I like the way you did that” to the mechanic who
repairs your car.

you ask a quiet person at a party if he has something to share
with the group.

meeting a child’s parents instantly answers the question,
“Why is this kid like this?”

you can tell it’s a full moon without ever looking outside.

you feel the urge to talk to children and correct
their behavior when out in public.

you think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.

your personal life comes to a screeching halt at report card
time.

you think you will punch the next person that tells you "It must be nice to work 8-3:30 and have summers off."

you have rules about where people may put their feet.

you are irritated by adults who chew gum in public.

stacking piles of papers on the floor seems like a logical filing
system to you.

you point out misspelled signs to managers (at a restaurant, store, etc.)

you consider a 2.3% pay raise above average.

you can predict exactly which parents will show up at Open House and Parent Teacher Conferences.

you can recognize all your students by the backs of their heads.

You can make up toys and games on the spot, out of nothing, or out of anything.

you take Prozac as part of your daily supplement.

a pencil is the hair accessory which holds up your hair.

your check pay runs out way before the month does.

your significant other gets mad because you spent too much on school supplies.

your spouse starts telling strangers how hard teachers work.

you feel that weekends are grading time!

vacation is planning time.

you volunteer for the insanely early appointments at the doctor's office because you are used to getting up that early anyway.

you have graduate credits from 8 different universities (from all the conferences and workshops).

when you call your dog by your students' names instead of his own.

when you tell your spouse every move you make such as, "I'm going to the bathroom now and I'll be right back...okay?"

you have a hard time choosing a name for your child that doesn't have negative associations.

you think Ritalin should be air sprayed regularly.

Some Quotes

" A good teacher remembers what it was like to be taught
By their favorite teacher."

" There are no hands so small
That they cannot make a difference in the world."

" In a completely rational society, the best of us would aspire to be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for something less, because passing civilization along from one generation to the next ought to be the highest honor and highest responsibility anyone could have."

" One of the beauties of teaching is that there is no limit
To one's growth as a teacher,
Just as there is no knowing beforehand
How much your students can learn."